just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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