Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
