Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
