I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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