I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
