I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
