that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
