WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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