3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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