I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
