I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
