They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
