There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Randomize
