No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
