actually, I'm a sock model
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
