New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
