yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
