Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
