look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
