checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's the barista slut.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
