Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
