I heard we made out
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
