if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize