their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
