He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
