Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Please, let me fuck your mom
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
