i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
