can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
