OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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