chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
