Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
