why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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