she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
