Reggie can tackle my bush.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
