she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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