He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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