WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
