You can't special order awesome
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
