it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
