standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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