I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
