When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
