i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Mom said you looked used
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
