Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
