She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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