im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
