Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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