I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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