let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
