We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
