I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
literally had 100 drinks last night.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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