i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
