Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
