ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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