Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
