I cannot find my penis.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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