I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
