i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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