If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
