i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
