I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
