I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
