So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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