i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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