i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
