Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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