i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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