Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
