I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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