I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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