I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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