i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I did not marry a roomba.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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