Can Purell be used as lube?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
