Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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