No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize