She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The struggles of a small town man whore
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
