# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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