What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
