No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
