I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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