Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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