Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's not a walk of shame if you run
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
