I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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