some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
