I think I won the penis lottery.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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