I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
