Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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