it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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