Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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