she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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