I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
