here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
