They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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