so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
