So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
