I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Holy sore nipples Batman
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize