I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
