at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm like, not good at living.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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