The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize