I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
