I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
