There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
