If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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