I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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