I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
