just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
